Aligning with my truth

so the internet access has become scarce and therefore i haven't been blogging.  since this is mostly my travel diary (i'm not keeping a scandalous private one!) i feel the pressure to write as i'm afraid to forget all the wonderful experiences i'm having.  while living in the present is the most important to enjoy travel, i do want to be able to look back somewhere and recall the events that contributed to the tremendous growth during this period, because i truly feel the growth, emotionally, mentally, and mostly spiritually...and its happening quickly. 

firstly, i left koh phangan about 3 weeks ago...it was another sad farewell with my good brazilian friend sakit.  we had our good times, and our not so good times, but he was paramount in so much of my personal growth that i have nothing but love for him.  he taught me so much and filled my heart with a lot of love.  he was definitely placed on my path as a teacher and i'm so grateful.  

i arrived in bangkok and met up with friends i had met so far along my travels...fellow sanctuary fasters from australia, gorgeous nadya from russia whom i met in koh samui at a yoga class, and finally reunited with katy, my good friend from germany whom i met at the massage school in chaing mai.  we had hoped to cross paths again and thankfully were able to make it happen.  we have an amazing connection as two souls on similar paths and we had awesome time sharing love with eachother and with others.  there were a few late nights involved and therefore some recovery time was needed when arriving in bali.  

the first two weeks of bali were spent in ubud....the now famous town because of the book eat, pray, love.  i even went to see wayan, the traditional healer that elizabeth gilbert helped fund while she spent time there.  i received many gifts from the universe upon arrival...was thrusted right into all the happenings...the multi dimensional sacred geometry workshop, the tantric mongoose nityama talks, the community house in the valley...but after a couple weeks of being around all the self-proclaimed spiritual people of the town it was time to move on...to the beach!  i'm mean i'm in bali after all!  

 

seminyak here i come....i even took the hour ride on my motorbike!  if i haven't said it enough, i just love riding the motorbike!!  i really feel like a locale.  so i arrive in seminyak to hamid and susan whom i met in chiang mai when my trip first began.  they are also from nyc and we've kept in touch along our travels and were happy to know that we would be in bali at the same time.  they have a villa rented here in seminyak for another month and generously invited me to come stay with them.  another gift for me...thank you universe!  

the first thing susan said to me when she saw me was that i look like a totally different person from when she met me in may...."you're relaxed, free, the edge is off, your family and friends wont recognize you when you go home."  YES!

i just got in from a capoeira class...an afro-brazilian form of play dance/martial art....and i'm off to a tango party tonight!  dancing has been great for my release of the throat chakra...i've been challenged with ear aches and most recently a sore throat/cough which now tells me i have a lot of ropes still around my neck and have a lot to release (very common in westerners)... so any form of creative self-expression is helping me get back to my true nature and helping me stay in alignment with my truth.

next adventure!  surfing lesson begins today....my eyes are already going crazy from all the hot surfer boys at the beach...oh baby!

LOVE!

The Joy of Detox

I arrived at the Sanctuary in Koh Phangan last Sunday, a beautiful health, wellness, and detox haven on the beach. The bungalows are nestled up in the jungle where you can't hear anything but the sounds of nature, except the raging party on Friday nights! The island of Koh Phangan has become known for its full moon party which gathers about 10,000 people every month to party into the wee hours. The Sancuary, however, is a very relaxing atmosphere where people come to escape the craziness of life and reconnect. I've met some beautiful people since I've arrived, many of whom are traveling as well, and decided to stop here and do a fast along their journey....sometimes to recover from the partying they've been doing!

I was unsure about a cleanse. The seed to fast had definitely been planted, probably starting at the Yoga TTC when we talked about the kriyas, or cleansing techniques, that purify the body. And along this trip so far, many of the friends I had met along the way had mentioned fasting so I knew these were all little pointers. I talked to those who were already on a fast and they said it was wonderful, well - besides the not eating part! But surprisingly they said they weren't hungry.

I talked to Moon, the nice Thai man who runs the wellness center and he advised me to start with a 3 1/2 day cleanse and extend to 5 days if I felt good, since this was my first fast, but first I needed to start with 2 days of all raw foods...just fruits and veggies. This was difficult, especially after all the yummy Thai food I'd been eating, but I did it. My fast began on Wednesday morning with a clay and phsyllium shake at 7am...yuk! Actually, it wasn't that bad...I think those years of downing a beer helped me here..you just have to throw it back and not think about it. There are 3 more shakes throughout the day...these ones though are mixed with watermelon juice which definitely helps. In the middle of shake intervals we take 6 large herbal supplements 5 times a day. Every day at 4pm we have a self-performed colonic, which has been surprisingly pleasant...it really helps with the cleansing feeling. And our treat at the end of the day is a watery and saltless veggie broth, but the warmth satisfies and all the fasters gather around to discuss the happenings of the day.

Day 3 was the worst for me...I woke up with my heart pounding..I was shaking and it didn't feel good. And then the crying began...just pouring out. All of these reactions were normal....after 3 days of no real food, my body was screaming at me. I knew the changes to my body were just beginning...to finish now would almost be a waste. I talked to Moon and he said to see how I felt as the day went on. I had some juice that day, maybe I needed the sugar, and felt much better, so I decided to continue.

Today is day 5! I feel great. Its amazing how little your body really needs. I've also realized how much emotional eating I do...we tend to satisfy our discomforts...emotional, physical, mental...with the thought of our next meal, or a treat. Stuffing our feelings enables us to escape dealing with what is really going on inside. This has been the most profound realization for me through this experience.

Tomorrow I go off fast which means I start with a wheatgrass colonic in the morning and then only eat fruit. This light diet continues for many days to help our system get used to digesting food again. Many people have said they don't even feel hungry and the food tastes a bit funny. Interesting.

Besides the rigorous schedule, I've been thoroughly enjoying living in nature...sleeping in my bungalow in the jungle, hanging out at the beach, swimming in the sea, yoga and pilates and evening meditations. Last Thursday the pilates teacher Vicki took us out on her sailboat...it was a phenomenal day out on the water! She and her boyfriend have the privileged life of living on the sailboat and traveling...they are truly blessed, and we were blessed to join them for the day and see more of the island.

"When you make the present moment, instead of the past and future, the focal point of your life, your ability to enjoy what you do increases dramatically. Joy is the dynamic aspect of Being."

Namaste!

For those of you who are still traveling with me, I apologize for my laziness in blog writing!  The last two weeks have been a world-wind of planes, trains, and automobiles (or motorbikes I should say!).  My first Thai visa expired on June 15 and so I was forced to make my plans to move on.  This was probably a blessing in disguise however, because I had gotten so comfortable in Chiang Mai, especially after meeting friends, that I really didn't have any desire to move on.  But, this trip is about getting out of my comfort zone and being adventurous so I packed my things and got on the road.  

First stop was Hanoi, Vietnam.  After two flights, one from Chiang Mai to Bangkok and another to Hanoi, a taxi provided by my guesthouse was at the airport to bring me through this loud and hustling and bustling city.  I'm not kidding, the driver must have honked his horn 150 times on the way from the airport to the hotel!  Literally, every time he passed a driver he would honk, even if they were posing zero risk of entering his lane.  I come to find out this is pretty normal here and the honking is actually their way of being considerate to the other drivers.

Well, the noise got to me...and you'd think after living in NYC this wouldn't even phase me, right?  Maybe something has changed within me because I instantly noticed how this craziness made me feel on edge, my heart beating louder, my mind wandering faster.  

I took a short flight and spent three nights in Hoi An which were much more peaceful.  The guesthouse I chose was just outside the center of town and I rented a bicycle to ride into town most days to buy, buy, buy at the many tailors and spent the evenings with a refreshing dip in the pool.  A couple beautiful dresses later I hit the road for the beaches in the south of Thailand.

As I boarded my third flight en route to Koh Samui, the flight attendant welcomed me with a "Sawasdee Ka" (Hello) with hands at the heart in prayer (as they do, and as I now do) and I realized then how much I had fallen for Thailand in the first month.  I was so happy to be back!

Unfortunately, I've spent the week in Samui nursing a severely painful ear infection in my right ear.  Nothing like feeling ill to make you miss home, especially the care of your mom.  I was strong though and got through it...last night was the first pain free night of sleep....the codeine probably helped a little!  Here, you can just walk into the pharmacy and buy the medicine you need, antibiotics, pain meds, anything.  It's wild.  

I did finally meet someone from New York City on this trip...Scott arrived at my Samui hotel the night before last and we started chatting.  He was one of the first people I had seen in Samui that was by himself...this island attracts many vacationers, less travelers these days.   We went out that night to check out the Samui nightlife and had quite a good time.

I think what I loved most about being here was my independence...even though I spent most of the time alone, mostly due to my earache and not being able to get out and meet people, I rented a motorbike and struggled through the earache pain to take 2 yoga classes a day.  The classes were my first intro to hot yoga, which kicks your ass....I left the classes dripping with sweat every time...awesome!

The more and more I read about holistic health, I've come to truly believe that every illness is our body's way of communicating with us.  I'm trying to find the lesson in my earache.  I think there are a lot of changes happening in me.....lots of energy centers opening, especially since my Reiki training.  So here's to letting old unnecessary habits release through all chakras, and replacing the space with openness, unconditional love and compassion.

Today, I'm off to Koh Phangan....promise to update sooner than later.

LOVE!

Unconditional love

I just arrived back in Chiang Mai after a week excursion to Pai, a great little hippie town 3 hours north of here.  There are 767 curves on the road to Pai so needless to say arriving there in good form is half the battle.  The town is in the middle of a valley surrounded by beautiful mountains.  We chose a guesthouse just on the outskirts of town mainly to submerse ourselves in nature as a relief from the noise of the city.  My bungalow overlooked a running stream which served as great background music for yoga and meditation.  We rented a motorbike on day 2, which everyone does in Pai since its a small town and not so intimidating to drive on the roads, and I couldn't get enough of the wind on my face!  I want a motorbike!!

Katy, my lovely new friend from Germany, introduced Sakit and I to Judith who teaches a Reiki Shamballa course in Pai.  Judith is the kind of lady you meet and instantly feel comfortable and connected so I knew she'd be a great person to teach me the healing energy of Reiki.  We spent 3 days doing guided meditations, attunements, learning healing symbols, and finally sharing Reiki with eachother.  What an amazing experience.  I'm now a certified Reiki Shamballa practitioner and happy to send energy healing and love to each and every one of you.

Unfortunately my Thai visa expires today so I needed to catch the minivan back down the 767 curves to CM yesterday.  I spent the week contemplating my next move and while I'm still not sure, I just booked my flight to Hanoi, Vietnam for tomorrow.  While I've heard mixed reviews of this hustling bustling city, I figure at least its a stop on my way to Hoi An, a shoppers paradise!  

Besides the tangible certificates I've received from Thai massage and Reiki, I've learned far more about myself on these travels and I want to especially thank those I've met along this journey so far who have helped me reach a deeper understanding of unconditional love for myself and others.  

Love is all there is.

The true meaning

Its week 3 of the Thai massage course in Chiang Mai -- I hadn't planned on staying for level 3 but after meeting friends and enjoying the course so far I decided to extend my time here....let's face it, I don't have anywhere to be at any particular time!  

My biggest dilemma as of late is if I have time to get to Vietnam and Cambodia at this point, or do I skip them to have more time down at the beautiful beaches of Koh Phangan, Thailand and Bali, Indonesia before heading to Sydney.  Although I really want to see more of SE Asia, spending time sightseeing is not exactly on the top of my list.  I'd rather spend time where I can do more yoga and take more bodywork and energy related courses, all of which are very accessible down south on the sand.  We'll see what happens.

I can't say enough about the Thai people.  I think what I love most is that when you smile at a strange Thai person on the street, they actually smile back and don't look at you like you're some weirdo.  I like that a lot.  Spreading love all around...you feel it here.

"We are visitors on this planet, We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the very most.  During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful with our lives.  If you contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true goal....the true meaning of life."  ~ His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

Living pure

I can't get enough of that relaxing, peaceful, blissful feeling after a great yoga session....it's what made me fall in love with the practice.  A Thai yoga massage can actually come pretty close to giving you that feeling without having to perform any effort....all the stretching and deep breathing and release of energy...pure bliss!  

On Friday we all had an exam to mark the end of Level 1 of the course....and I got a 98!   Celebration time...we all went out in town for dinner and dancing.  It's really amazing to me how close and comfortable you can become with new people in a short amount of time.  I mean, they really become your friends.  My first experience of this was at the ashram and I truly met some amazing people!  But yet still when I took off for my travels I was still nervous about meeting people...especially when someone would say to me, "Wow, you're going on your own?!"  But alas, once again, I've met really great people, like-minded people from all around the world.  

The weekend was lots of fun....there are a few of us from the course staying at the same guesthouse so we practiced yoga and meditation, ate lovely Thai meals, swam at the waterfalls, and practiced massage.  I'm particularly grateful to my fellow yogi friends who are a great sattvic and pure influence.

I was given a book to read, Yoga The Science of the Soul by Osho, and this one particular caption resonated with me and I'd like to share it....A negative mind is always an egoist.  That is the impure state of being.  Ego feeds on no.  Whenever you say no, ego arises.  Whenever you say yes, ego cannot arise because ego needs fight, ego needs challenge, ego needs to put itself against someone, something.  When you say no, you feel like you are someone.  "No" gives you a sense of power.  Remember this:  for seekers (spiritual seekers), it has to be remembered constantly that you have to continuously live in the aroma of yes.  Suddenly the ego falls -- it cannot stand, it needs the props of no.  The negative attitude creates ego.  The positive attitude -- the ego drops, and then the being is pure.

Om Shanti

PS For pics http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=af603047f4f64cca6d9889752d9a603c&sid=9EZuWLJs4ZPw

Faith in the flow of life

Tomorrow is exam day for part 1 of my Thai Yoga Massage course.  It's a lot to take in in a week but we'll give it a go and see how it goes.  Word is...its really difficult to fail.  The worry of it vaguely reminds me of my fellow yogis and how we all stressed our teacher certification exam, and it was much easier than we expected.  So, I've learned not to stress these things.  

Its really starting to feel a bit like home here.  I'm still quite jet-lagged so every morning I'm up around 6am and by 7am I head across the street to the yoga studio to do my daily sadhana, yoga and breathing, before my class begins.  Tukta, the nice Thai lady who runs the yoga place, cooks me breakfast while I'm upstairs practicing and has it ready for me when I come down around 8:15am.  Who wouldn't feel at home with that kind of treatment?!

Just as I was feeling at home here, I get ahead of myself and start to think how I will feel getting on my way to the next dot on the map.  Then, that morning, I met two fellow unemployed NY'ers while having breakfast at the yoga place.  They are traveling and plan on going to Vietnam and Cambodia next and they have offered to meet up as I make my way there.  Just a little reminder to me to have a little more faith in the flow of life.

Last night I had my first introduction to a Kundalini Yoga meditation session with my new friend, Sakit, a very handsome Brazilian guy also taking the Thai Yoga massage course.  He just spent the last 6 months in India studying masters, meditation and traveling to ashrams, in particular Osho's ashram, who he has a particular fondness for.  The session was quite interesting as it incorporates shaking, dancing, sitting for meditation, and then laying as in sivasana.  I really enjoyed it...the freedom of letting your body go in all directions before sitting still.  I'm excited to continue to practice with him...Its really nice having met someone who is so passionate about following his path.  

Thoughts I take with me today...The greatest act of will in which we can invest in our spirits is  to 1) make no judgements (however difficult it is), 2) Have no expectations, 3) Give up the need to know why things happen as they do, 4) Trust that the unscheduled events of our lives are a form of spiritual direction (my personal favorite), 5) Have the courage to make the choices we need to make, accept the things we cannot change, and have the wisdom to know the difference.

Love and peace.

Seaking sattva and chai lattes

I truly believe that people and experiences are placed in my path exactly as I need to hear and see them.  Upon arrival at the massage school yesterday I met two British girls, one of whom is just finishing up her 4 months of traveling through New Zealand, Australia, the beach islands of Thailand, and now Bangkok and Chiang Mai, essentially the map I'm just starting.  I told her that for me it feels a bit overwhelming at the moment, it seems so long before I'll get home again, the comforts of home.  She assured me that the experience is so awesome and if she could stay longer on the road she would.  Reassuring.  

I was so glad to notice a yoga studio yesterday, Sattva Yoga, across the street from my guesthouse.  At my disappointment that the teacher is traveling, the nice lady offered me full use of the beautiful yoga studio upstairs.  They run a vegetarian restaurant downstairs with yummy fresh fruit smoothies which many of us sampled on our lunch break from class.  My reward for the day was treating myself to a 2 hour massage offered to the massage school students...just 400 baht ($12 USD)!

Last night the Brits and I took a walk into the main town of Chiang Mai.  One of the highlights of this adventure was noticing a Starbucks in town.....I really miss my Chai lattes!   We got a bite to eat and then risked our lives in a "tuk tuk" (a scooter with seats - pics to follow) who took us home and I hit the sack immediately...still so jetlagged.

This morning I woke up to an exciting email...that my good friend Margie will be coming to meet me in Sydney in early August!  I couldn't be happier with the news that I will see someone I know and love sooner than later....exactly what I needed to hear as I wake up missing home.  

Entering the whirlwind of change

I just completed my 30 hour journey to Chiang Mai, Thailand and arrived in my adorable guesthouse near the Thai yoga massage school I'll be headed to in the morning.  My private room equipped with internet access and a balcony (pics to come) couldn't make me feel more at home in the farthest place I've ever been away from home.  And to help matters more, every person I've met since arriving has spoken English and has been more than helpful.  

Along the way I also met nice folks, one couple at the JFK bar while I was having my pre-boarding beer, who admired my courage and reminded me what a great experience this was going to be for my personal growth, and another lady who is from Chiang Mai who works for the UN and was in NY helping refugees from Southeast Asia.   In return for my favor of filling out her taxi receipt from NY (so it looked like a American writing) she has offered to get together while I'm here and possibly introduce me to some of her work.  Those of you who know me know that I think those jobs are so admirable and would love to be able to get involved in some way.  These gifts along the way reminded me of an article I read a few months ago in O magazine about the power of the law of attraction, that just making eye contact and smiling at others, sends love out but also brings even more gifts back to you.

So now I'm up at midnight since I slept all day, the first challenge of adjusting to being halfway around the world.  I take with me this passage that jumped out at me from a book I'm just finishing up..."Admittedly it is frightening to leave the familiar contents of one's life...change is frightening, but waiting for that feeling of safety to come along before one makes a move only results in more internal torment because the only way to acquire that feeling of security is to enter the whirlwind of change and come out the other end, feeling alive once again."  Anatomy of the Spirit, Caroline Myss.  

Travel journey starts tomorrow

I was reading through old journal entries this morning and noticed that so many of the wishes for my life have transpired, or are about to.  What an amazing feeling!  From Nov 11, 2008..."I've always dreamed of going abroad to Southeast Asia, Africa, disadvantaged countries, etc to really gain a sense of depth through travel, to gain perspective and not take for granted ALL we have here in the West, and most of all to help, to find out how I can be of service to this world.  The private sector is not enough for me...making money for shareholders is not enough for me." 

On January 28 of this year, I was laid off from my corporate sector job and with grace I knew this was a blessing.  It was His answer to my prayers.  I spent the month of March at a yoga ashram practicing yoga and deepening my spirituality and faith in a higher force at work in my life.  Today I find myself packing for a 5 month journey through Southeast Asia and India to volunteer, study more yoga, bodywork, and health and wellness, and Australia and New Zealand to visit family and friends.  Boy, do I feel blessed!

Although to be completely honest, the last few mornings I've woken up with a sinking, nagging feeling of nerves and anxiety....I'm giving up the luxuries that we are all so accustomed to here to live out of a bag, one bag!, for 5 months!  But then, I know, there is no reward without risk, and a little fear.  So here I am, about to embark on the longest flight of my life so far, a 24 hour journey in all, to get started in Chiang Mai, Thailand.  Here's to being open for whatever may be placed on my path and to fully embrace the universal current of life.